Into the Belly

What would it look like if the Lord invited you to isolate and fast for three days and three nights? I have no idea what the Lord would have for you, but here’s what it looked like for me…

After being invited into a time of diving deep with the Lord and seeking inner healing, I found myself lost in my search for what he wanted to heal in me, what he wanted to walk through with me. In a time of prayer, the story of Jonah came to mind. As I read through the passage I found myself more and more confused to the application in my current life situation. I didn’t feel like I was running away from one of God’s requests. I didn’t feel hard hearted towards God’s grace for others. So I started to question if this was really the spirit guiding my thoughts or if I forced this message in efforts to get guidance. I asked the lord for some confirmation. Something I’ve grown more confidence in over the years. We played this silly game where I set the stage by saying, “Ok God, if you have something for me through Jonah, would you make the Wordle of the day be relevant to the story.” I know, very silly, almost childlike. But guess what the world of the day was… It was whale. It’s moments like this when I really think God has a sense of humor and loves partnering with us in the silliest of ways, answering our silly requests. Thanks God.

So, I now had confidence that there was some type of invitation with the story of Jonah, but I still lacked some clarity. Maybe the story of Jonah was meant to point our team to our next destination. Does that mean my team should go to the port city of Durres because there’s an ocean and that’s where the Lord brought in the whale to the story? Or does it mean that we shouldn’t run away to the port like Jonah did and we should go to a city that’s more inland? Those were both dead ends, so again, I found myself lost when it came to how I should move upon this message. I decided to read through once more, taking time to really let my mind ponder the story as it progressed, really let the Lord highlight certain aspects of the story. I had recently been diving into what felt like some elementary faith questions about Christ like, “Is Jesus really the only way?” “If we can’t earn salvation then how did anyone before Jesus’ sacrifice find it?” (I’ve learned theses aren’t elementary. There is no such thing. It is better to walk through your foundation of faith with the Spirit’s guidance than to sweep it under the rug and wait for it to be uprooted when tribulation comes.) So my mind was already focused on Christ while I read through the book of Jonah again. I started to remember the comparisons, specifically the time they each spent in the “darkness,” 3 days, 3 nights. With that section highlighted, my mind drifted to what my greatest desire in that moment was, to be with God, to be close enough to hear his voice. “Ok God, let’s create a space where its just us. For three days and three nights all I want is to be with you. No distractions, no loud noises, just you.”

It took a while to actually buy in, to actually make this happen. I’ve learned time and time again that what the Lord invites me into is often not convenient for my personal schedule or the plans of those around me (shocker). So I finally gave in and realized that I would have to create this space. With the kind and generous flexibility of my team, I was able to find my three day, three night window. Thanks Lord for all the nudges.

So, with a Bible, “Hearing God” by Dallas Willard, and some water I then walked myself into the “belly of the whale” (aka a bedroom/bathroom). For the best glimpse into this fast, I’ll just down copy some real time notes from the experience.

The Start

I’m excited, but feel some nerves arising as I realize what I’m stepping into. A lot of worried people can get to you but the Lord invited me into this space so I trust him to provide, to watch out for me. I keep thinking about the aftermath of this. What if it’s awful? What if it’s mundane? Will I measure this experience based off of my perspective, my understanding? Or will I be grateful to have been part of it? Will I believe that even if I don’t feel an encounter with the Lord, that he sees, he hears, and he is delighted to see how much my heart yearns for him? This is my attempt at listening, at obeying in hope that I get to commune with God, I get to know him better, and simply create a space with less things to get in the way of being with him. Lord, use this space as you see fit. Open my eyes to what I can handle. Sculpt me to greater resemblance of you. Guide me to better understanding of who you are. Come whisper. Come be my friend.

Night One

Well, we definitely could have started this thing off on a better note, but I guess that wasn’t in the playbook. Leading up to this, I tried to ease myself into the fast by avoiding sweets and a big feast. I decided to eat a simple breakfast burrito. Unfortunately, after going through a rough night to verify this, the eggs I used were bad. This night was filled with a lot of cramping, nausea, emptying of my stomach contents, insomnia, and plain annoyance. But, despite this unideal start to my time with God, I’m still glad I’m here. I’m praying for cleansing, healing, and positivity. At one point in the night, I found myself curled over, head in my hands, slowly breathing through the discomfort, determined to not let my condition taint my view of God or desire to be with him. After a few rounds of this, I was gifted a few comfortable positions to sleep in, a few positions void of cramping, just enough to relax, refresh, and prepare for a day with God.

Dream Log

I found myself on a small raft, launching into the waves where the ocean meets the shore. I was accompanied by a childhood friend and we began to drift further and further into the water. My eyes were fixated on the horizon as I tried to ignore the slight fear I have of what lingers in the depths of the ocean. I found myself spinning the raft around to let my friend now get the view of the sun setting on the sea. As our momentum into the ocean continued, our surroundings began to shift. We now found ourselves rafting through a shallow river surrounded by foliage. I then found my feet in the water, walking along the bed of the river, guiding our raft. Soon after, I felt the sensation of something swimming by and nerves quickly sprouted when I saw the scales of an alligator. In an attempt to push the alligator away from the raft, I triggered its pursuit of me. I grasped its jaws shut as it continued to use the strength of its swim to push me backwards. I felt a panic overcome me as my weakness compared to this beast set in. In that moment, a man appeared and subdued the alligator with seven blasts to the head. I was able to use this time to swim back towards the shore of the ocean. Nearly there, I turned to see the alligator awake and lunge after me. To my relief, and by whatever measures, the alligator’s attack was now limited to 60 feet, a distance just shy of my location. Once I made it safely to shore, I turned back to the scene with my bible in hand. I read through the scriptures and found that the experience I had just lived through lined up with what was written in the scriptures. All the way down to the 60 foot limit on the beast. (I have my own thoughts on what the Lord was speaking through this dream, but maybe he will speak to you through it as well)

Day One

There was a lot of physical stillness but a busy mind today. With scripture and “Hearing God” I found myself going into multiple biblical studies throughout the day. I felt my mind getting tugged down multiple paths, eager to hear from God through the texts. There was nothing profound about today except for the fact that my sickness is gone and hunger subsided. My heart yearns for God to speak, to come and meet me clearly, but then I’m left questioning what I would do if he did. I think my biggest excitement would be to share, to prove how close I am to God. I hate writing that, but it’s genuine. Lord, keep sculpting my heart, mind, and soul until all I crave is your presence, not a story. I’m looking forward to tomorrow. I think I’ll spend it creating encouragements for the team, asking the Lord to speak personally to them. Thanks for stillness, for entering my thoughts.

Day Two

I spent most of today doing the same things as yesterday. There’s only so much you can do lol. I’m still not feeling hungry. I’ll think of food but I don’t crave it. I have noticed a decline in my energy as it comes and goes throughout the day. It’s occasionally accompanied by a headache but nothing of concern. But mentally, we are doing well, staying positive and grateful for this time. It feels like the Lord is reminding me that he has always been close, that he is always interested in talking, but is also delighted that I would want to create this space to spend time with him. To request a “big” moment from God speaks to a distance, a miss, and a neglect of how he interacts with me. He speaks, he guides me, even without audible words or obscure visions. My heart is aligned with his, I can find peace in that.

Day Three

I was worried today would drag on but thankfully there were only a few moments where the slow time was getting to me. I got to finish “Hearing God” today and man, I’m glad that book got swallowed into the whale with me. I have such a greater understanding of how to communicate with and listen to God. I’ve learned to slow down my reading of the Bible. To really let the Spirit guide my thoughts, highlight words. The only reason to read fast and get through the Bible in a certain time period is to boast on that accomplishment. I want to soak it in, I want it to transform my mind and my life. I’m excited to lean into the Lord more and trust the Spirit’s guidance within me.

Final thoughts

Time is winding down now. I am just so incredibly thankful for the how the Lord used this time. He didn’t give me a show, he didn’t give me a story, but he gave me exactly what I needed. God is good, my mind is renewed, I noe see how close and kind God has been in our relationship. He speaks. Not through “big moments” (though he can) but through the day to day moments. He speaks through the spirit within me, guiding my thoughts and actions as long as I surrender to it. I can rest peacefully knowing that my God is guiding me. Should I ever miss the prompting of his invitations, his will, I can trust that he sees my desire to know him, to follow him, and he will speak when needed. If this time with God was a show, it would quickly become a story. He knows I would lose the battle with pride in that. Lord, thank you! Thank you for sustaining me, thank you for guiding me, and thank you for loving me exactly as I need to be loved.

Now, If the Lord invites you to spend three days and three nights in solitude with him, do it! He’s got something for you. If you’re going in hoping to have a big moment with God, still go, but be ready to be humbled. God is good and he is near.